


Shortfic: Vermouth Aureo

by wellPressedAttire



Category: C4S11 - Fandom, Homestuck, RPGStuck
Genre: C4S11
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-06
Updated: 2017-04-06
Packaged: 2018-10-15 20:08:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 735
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10556962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wellPressedAttire/pseuds/wellPressedAttire
Summary: The JoBros get drunk. Hilarity ensues. Will they defeat the enemy stand user? Will Wally find his Gay Anime in time for Yuricon? WILL ZYONNE GET A GOOD TASTE IN MUSIC???? Some of these questions and more.





	

"...A_ND STA_Y "O"UT!!!"  
With that, the pair were sent sumbling out onto the sidewalk. Olki planted onto the ground, head first, while Alex slumped against the wall. Both stayed there for a couple of minutes, trying to get a bearing on what angle they were to reality and which of the glowing dots of light were made up, respectively. Finally, Olki staggered to his feet unsteadily, swaying violently from side to side, not entirely unlike the way one would show their appreciation for a psychedelic rock track produced entirely by howler monkeys. After a few minutes more, Alex got up in a similar fashion, and put an arm around his junior's shoulder. For a moment, they both threatened to fall, unsure who was supporting who, until they found a nauseating equilibrium. It was Olki who spoke up first.  
"Buddddy. Paaaal. Friiieeeeend."  
His eyes glazed over for a second before he continued.  
"I think we've... let'sh.... fuck it let'sh... go home."  
A nearby fruit fly unfortunately wandered into Alex's face and was instantly obliterated by the alcoholic miasma produced by his mouth.  
"Yeah man... *hic*.... let'sh..."  
Without another word, they both started working in tandem to create some disharmonious semblance of walking. It was as if they had both managed to spontaneously sprout three extra legs and learn to funk dance, but from a teacher who was trying to translate the Chinese handbook into English, and only spoke Moldovan.  
It was another hour of this staggering meander before they halted in the darkened street. They had walked without purpose or direction; though their goal might have been to get home, they had not planned as far as which route they would take or by which means they would travel; and ended up completely and utterly lost. As Alex stopped dead in his tracks, turning to face a nearby car dealership, Olki's gaze followed his.  
In front of them stood a once-proud Airdancer, waving his faded, floppy arms in the cool night breeze like one would wave the flag of a long-lost kingdom, heralding the arrival of the great King Maserati III. As it drooped and waved, both men looked at it in shock and wonder. This time, it was Alex who broke the silence.  
"Th-thish cahn't... *hic* can't be!"  
His face suddenly took on a grim, serious expression, and he straightened out into an exaggerated pose, splaying his fingers out in front of his face. Olki took up his side, pointing his knee outwards as he stared down the noodly figure.  
"Dude... thish is... totally an enemy shtand!!!"  
They both shifted pose, favoring a confident, cocky slouch, bodies facing each other and still keeping eyes on the inflatable.  
"You evildoer... what ish your *hic* intent?!"  
No response, save for a light thud as the figure slapped the floor, deflating momentarily, only to reinflate and continue its wild gesturing.  
"You... you bashtard... you're gunna... you're gunna pay for thURP."  
Suddenly, Olki collapsed, retching. Alex recoiled in horror.  
"*hic* Oh shh- shhhhhhh- shhhURGH."  
He, too, hit the floor, curling up into the fetal position. Between struggled attempts in holding in the vomit, he mumbled.  
"Thish enemy shtand is too... too shtrong!"  
"He'sh... he'sh *URP* UNBEATABLE!"  
"THE ULTIMATE *HURK* POWER!!!"  
That was how Arya found them, groaning and trying not to make a bigger mess of themselves than they already had. As she pulled up in her old, beaten-up Dacia at two in the morning, she wondered what cruel twist of fate would bring a pair as irresponsible and devious as these two under her care. Rubbing her eyes of sleep, she got out of the car and hefted Alex up by the collar, dragging him into the backseat. Eihwaz stepped out of the passenger seat, apparently completely lucid; not that Wally ever afforded him much sleep between anime seasons. As he dragged Olki by the shoe, stuffing him into the trunk, he mused that perhaps he had something to thank the strange homosexual human for; after all, he had discovered a quiet time of his own when noone would bother him and he was free to do as he pleased.  
As he shut the hatch and climbed back into the passenger seat, not a word was passed between him and the most senior member of the household. It had become customary, at this point; not a word was needed as they silently carted the boys back home.


End file.
